Overcoming Commitment Hesitancy
Fifth Haftarah of Comfort, Isaiah 54:1–10
Rabbi Russ Resnik
One of the most consistent trends in modern America has been the increasing age at which people first get married. According to the US Census Bureau, the median age for a first marriage is now just over 30 for men and 28 for women. Go back just 40 years to 1980 and it was about 24 for men and 22 for women.
It’s an undeniable and significant trend, with many factors behind it, like the shift in focus from home and family to career and financial success; and a shift in moral values that makes it easy to remain unmarried but sexually active. But without a doubt this trend reflects the simple reality that it is harder than ever, in an environment of constant change, to commit long-term to anything at all. When you’re talking about marriage, a commitment that is meant to be not just long-term, but life-long, it’s no wonder that we hesitate. And this hesitancy to commit pervades not just relations between men and women, but all our relationships and activities.
During the current month of Elul, it’s customary to give extra attention to the state of our souls as we prepare for the coming Days of Awe, Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur (September 6–16 this year). During this time of self-examination we might check into our own avoidance of commitment, and how it’s affected the way we relate to our friends and family members, to our co-workers and colleagues, and to brothers and sisters in the worshiping community. Commitment hesitancy can impair all these relationships, and our haftarah reading for this week provides the foundation for overcoming it.
Our reading opens with the Lord comforting the “barren one,” Jerusalem, which symbolizes the people of Israel as a whole in this section of Isaiah. Jerusalem is currently childless and apparently abandoned. But the Lord says, “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed. . . . For your maker is your husband, Adonai Tsva’ot is his name” (Isa 54:4–5). God has made a commitment to his people, a commitment like the unbreakable covenant of marriage, so that it is not shaken, despite the failings of Israel. Their current state looks like barrenness, shame, and widowhood, but God provides reassurance:
“For the Lord has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God.For a brief moment I deserted you,
but with great compassion I will gather you.
In overflowing anger for a moment
I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”
says the Lord, your Redeemer. (Isa 54:6–8 ESV)
Note the contrast between the “brief moment” of abandonment and the “everlasting” quality of God’s compassion. When one is suffering and alone, it doesn’t feel like a brief moment, and we shouldn’t use these words to minimize or invalidate suffering, whether our own or another’s. But we can use these words to evoke the hope that endures beyond all suffering. More to the point, we can remain confident in God’s unshakable commitment to his people, including us, despite his momentarily hidden face. The Lord continues,
“This is like the days of Noah to me:
as I swore that the waters of Noah
should no more go over the earth,
so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you,
and will not rebuke you.
For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you. (Isa 54:9–10 ESV)
The context of Isaiah’s prophecy is the Babylonian exile, and Israel’s return from exile, which the prophet says is close at hand. Israel’s restoration after exile will be like the restoration of the whole earth after Noah’s Flood, when God promised that he would never again judge the earth by water (Gen 8:11–16). There may be transgression and judgment after the Flood, but never again judgment that entails a reset, reverting back to the first day of creation when the waters covered the earth (Gen 1:2). Instead, even necessary judgment will be framed in God’s compassion and forbearance.
Isaiah foresees a future return that will be far more profound than the return from Babylon. He foretells the coming of a Servant-Redeemer who will embody God’s compassion and bring this return to completion, even at the cost of his own life (Isa 49:5–6; 52:13–53:12; 59:20). When this Redeemer appears centuries after Isaiah’s prophecy, he reminds Jerusalem of her unfaithfulness, but says he will not leave her behind in the end: “You will not see me until you say ‘Blessed is he that comes in the name of the Lord’” (Luke 13:34–35). He will come, not bringing judgment, but in response to his people’s welcome. God’s compassion will not fail, even if his people wander far, and he will not complete his plan of redemption without them.
Since the days of Elul are days of personal reflection and renewal, let’s bring this home to a personal level. Simply put, God’s unshakable commitment to us as his people is the foundation on which we can build commitment to others.
As a rabbi and counselor I’m often involved in reconciliation—between a husband and wife whose marriage has been devastated by infidelity, or within a congregation wracked by betrayal and division. I’ve learned that making a commitment and following through on it is one of the most powerful ways to build trust or to restore trust that has been broken.
John struggled with drug and alcohol abuse as a young man, but has done well in recent years. Lately, however, he’s taken to going out “for a couple of beers” with the guys after work, and not coming home until one or two in the morning, drunk and abusive. When Sally confronts him, he admits his wrongdoing. He’s about to promise to never drink again, but instead he has the wisdom to make a specific commitment: “I’ll come home every night after work in time to have dinner with you and the kids.” This promise alone doesn’t win Sally’s trust, but if he follows through on it, it gradually will. But making that commitment is scary, especially since following through on it is a make-it-or-break-it deal. How’s John going to overcome his hesitancy and make a real commitment? By remembering and relying on God’s commitment to him, he can take that vital step. By trusting in God’s empowering presence, he can become trustworthy himself.
In a day of shifting loyalties and unstable commitments, the Lord’s declaration shines out like a beacon: “The mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed.” It’s an unshakable promise that empowers us to make and keep our promises to those around us and those we love.