How to Use Your Tongue for Good

Parashat Metzora: Leviticus 14:1-15:33

Rabbi Isaac S. Roussel, Congregation Zera Avraham, Ann Arbor, MI

Our parasha this week focuses mainly on tzara’at, a skin disease that historically has been mistranslated as leprosy. Our Sages have understood this ailment to be more spiritual than physical. It was a supernatural illness brought on by lashon hara. This term literally means “evil tongue” and refers to gossip, slander, and causing embarrassment. It is often called evil speech. The reason for this connection between tzara’at and lashon hara is that Miryam is struck with the disease after defaming her brother, Moshe (Num 12:1-16). 

A lot of ink has been spilled over the centuries about the evils of lashon hara. Not as much has been said, however, on its corollary, lashon hatov, good speech. That’s what I would like us to focus on today.

We see a dispute in two passages in the Talmud over giving praise to others. The first, in Masechet Arachin, says: “Rav Dimi, brother of Rav Safra said, let no one ever talk in praise of his neighbor, for praise will lead to criticism.”

Rashi says the reason for this injunction is that one will realize that he has overstated the praise and have to qualify it, admitting that the person also has faults or, alternatively, others will feel compelled to point out the person’s faults. The issue for Rashi is whether your speech is accurate or not.

Rambam disagrees. For him it is not an issue of truth, but of context. He says: “Whoever speaks well of his neighbor in the presence of his enemies is guilty of a secondary form of evil speech, since he will provoke them to speak badly about him.” 

Rambam permits lashon hatov if it is done in the presence of friends, but forbids it in the presence of their detractors.

The second disagreement about lashon hatov is between Hillel and Shammai in a famous passage from Masechet Ketubot about praising a bride.

Our Rabbis taught: How should you dance before the bride? The disciples of Hillel hold that at a wedding you should sing that the bride is beautiful, whether she is or not. Shammai’s disciples disagree. Whatever the occasion, don’t tell a lie. “Do you call that a lie?” the Hillelites respond. “In the eyes of the groom at least, the bride is beautiful.” 

Shammai, like Rashi, has his focus on truth. Hillel, like Rambam, is focused on context. This dichotomy reminds me of the Myers-Briggs theory of personality. Thinkers are focused on truth, whereas Feelers tend to focus on emotional intelligence and are concerned for how people will react to what is being said. Thinkers are known for being blunt and often not even realizing that their statements may cause offense, whereas Feelers can be accused of avoiding the issue, instead focusing on peace in the situation.

Can we think of lashon hatov as a mitzvah? Rambam thinks so. He says that it derives from the command to love your neighbor as yourself. We are obligated to speak well of others and to emphasize their good points. This is what Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai is doing in Pirke Avot 2:11 when he praises his disciples:

Eliezer ben Hyrcanus: a plastered well that never loses a drop.

Yehoshua ben Chananya:  happy the one who gave him birth.

Yose the Priest:  a pious man.

Shimon ben Netanel:  a man who fears sin.

Elazar ben Arach: an ever-flowing spring.

The very first statement in Pirke Avot encourages us to raise up many disciples. How do you do this? By encouraging them to become most fully who they are, for them to reach their full potential. It is not trying to make them into your own image or what you think they should do but to spur them on in their own talents. This is exactly what Rabbi Yochanan is doing in this passage. He is taking a Hillel-Rambam approach to lashon hatov. He is using speech to encourage them to grow. Perhaps Eliezar ben Hyrcanus was not terribly creative but he certainly had an amazing memory. Yose the Priest may not have been the best student, but he was apparently strenuous in his devotion to Hashem.

Lashon hara diminishes both the speaker and the subject. It tears people down, inhibits their growth. Lashon hatov spurs them onward to the best “them” that they can be. The world tends to see people’s faults, but God sees their potential. Therefore, lashon hatov is looking at others with the eyes of God, and speaking in such a way to lift them up. This is reflected in Rav Shaul’s urging to the Yeshua-followers in Ephesus, “Let no harmful language come from your mouth, only good words that are helpful in meeting the need, words that will benefit those who hear them” (Eph 4:29 CJB).

Yeshua exemplified his Father’s vision of people in all that he said and did. He looked at those whom society denigrated, condemned, and ignored and saw them as the precious children of God that they were. A famous example of this is when the sinful woman bursts into the house of a Parush (Pharisee) and anoints Yeshua’s feet. The Parush  says to himself, “If this man was a prophet he would know what kind of woman is touching him.” Yeshua, perceiving the man’s thoughts, responds with a mashal (a parable) that essentially said, “Yes. I do know who is touching me. A dear child of my Father’s who has repented of her sins.”

Mother Teresa used to talk about “Caring for Jesus in his distressing disguise.” But this doesn’t only apply to people who are made ugly by disease or wounds. It also refers to people with ugly personalities.  They are still humans created in Hashem’s image, however distorted that may be at the moment. They need to be built up, not torn down. 

I recently found an index card that I used to have taped to my monitor at my previous job that said “Everyone needs more kindness than they deserve.” It’s a quote from some article or book that I read years ago. One of my co-workers wrote on the bottom of it, “You deserve it, Izi, you are a great guy!” But they misunderstood my reason for having it. It was to remind me to be kind to others even if they annoyed the heck out of me!

What we need to keep in mind is that someone whom we consider unpleasant or “ugly” is probably loved and respected by others. Just as the bride is always beautiful to the groom, others are always beautiful to someone. We cannot take our opinions of someone and cast them as solid truth.

Perhaps ironically, it is Shammai, known for his harshness, who urges us to greet people well. In Pirke Avot he is quoted as saying: “Receive everyone with a pleasant countenance.”

Rabbi Akiva said that the greatest commandment in the Torah is to love one’s neighbor as oneself. Shimon ben Azzai disagreed. He said the greatest was found in Genesis 5:1 “When God created humanity, he made them in the likeness of God.” We are called upon to treat others with dignity and respect because they are created in his image, even if we don’t like the outside appearances. Moreover, we are required to speak lashon hatov of them and to them in order to build them up, encouraging them to grow into Hashem’s image.

I would like to add that lashon hatov does not always mean that we have to praise everyone. It can mean correcting someone, but it must be done with love and humility. Rav Shaul says in :

A slave of the Lord shouldn't fight. On the contrary, he should be kind to everyone, a good teacher, and not resentful when mistreated. Also he should be gentle as he corrects his opponents. For God may perhaps grant them the opportunity to turn from their sins. (2 Tim 2:24-25a CJB)

Lashon hatov can be praising someone, but it can also be a gentle correction.

May we increase our lashon hatov, our good speech.

May we seek to build others up and spur them on to be the best “them” they can be.

May we hone our eyesight to see others as God sees them.

And thus see Hashem’s face in their distressing disguise.