Vast. Obscure. Unfinished.

Parashat Pinchas, Numbers 25:10–30:1

Chaim Dauermann, Congregation Simchat Yisrael, West Haven, CT

In his celebrated 1962 novel Pale Fire, Vladimir Nabokov wrote: “Human life is but a series of footnotes to a vast obscure unfinished masterpiece.” The quote is haunting, the implications are troubling, but the meaning speaks to a sense of anxiety to which I think everyone can relate. While the existential unease at the heart of the quote might not ring true for some, on a practical level, our smallness in the face of our hoped-for accomplishments is an intractable problem. What does our life’s work amount to when we cannot see it through? And how can we comfortably pass on the administration of our affairs when we will not be there to supervise? All of these questions and more are touched upon in this week’s parasha. 

When I was growing up, I saw the narrative of Exodus through Deuteronomy as a hero’s journey. From the triumphant liberation of the Hebrews from slavery, to the successful transit of the entire nation to the Promised Land, I saw it as a chronicle of Moses’s success. Sure, there were pitfalls along the way: I knew all about the Golden Calf, and the bad report upon the return of the twelve spies; I knew about Moses’s fateful decision at the rock of Meribah, which resulted in his and Aaron’s exclusion from the Promised Land. But these all seemed to me to be minor asides in a story of triumph.

Now, as an adult, as I read through the Torah year after year, one parasha at a time, I must admit that I’ve come to see things differently. Every year, I’m struck by the degree to which this is not a chronicle of unqualified success, but one of disobedience, suffering, death, rebellion, sin, and disappointment. That the children of Israel made it into the Promised Land at all seems only a testament to God’s provision, not to any heroic merit on the part of anyone. I am thankful for the journey, but many of the details are not ones to be proud of.

I have to wonder whether such thoughts weighed on Moses as he took stock of his 40 years of leadership, and knew he was approaching the end of his life. This week’s parasha, Pinchas, records an exchange between Moses and God concerning the end of Moses’s journey, and the next steps for Israel:

Then Adonai said to Moses, “Go up this mountain of the Abarim range and look at the land that I have given to Bnei-Yisrael. When you have seen it, you will be gathered to your people, just as Aaron your brother was gathered.” (Num‬ 27:12–13‬)

Jewish tradition and scripture present Moses as conflicted about the end of this life. One midrash states that when Aaron died, Moses observed the manner of his passing and said: “Happy is he who dies such a death.” When God said to Moses, “just as your brother was gathered,” then, he was assuring Moses that he would have the kind of death he desired (Sifre Devarim 339). On the other hand, in Deuteronomy, we perceive a Moses who seems very much not ready to die. Moses recounts his own resistance to God’s judgment, and that he pleaded that the Lord might let him enter the Promised Land (Deut 3:23–25). And we see, later, that at the time of his death, Moses might have easily had more productive years, for even at 120 years of age, “His eye was not dim nor his vigor gone” (34:7).‬ 

But if Moses was at all conflicted about his death, it did not interfere with his work. Torah does not record him ruminating on his failures or engaging in lengthy laments about what could have been. Instead, at God’s instructions pertaining to his death, Moses immediately moves forward:

“May Adonai, God of the spirits of all flesh, appoint a man over the community to go out and come in before them, who will lead them out and bring them out so that the people of Adonai will not be like sheep without a shepherd.” (Num‬ 27:16–17‬)

He does not presume to suggest a successor, but gives himself over to God’s intention. Does this speak to humility on Moses’s part, or to a lack of preparedness for the end? It is not clear, but that God instructs him to appoint Joshua to leadership is not surprising, for he had been a trusted aide to him at least since Sinai, and was one of the two faithful spies. And once God points to Joshua, Moses immediately gets to work in preparing him, and the children of Israel, for the next stage of their journey.

What makes Moses a success? My childhood vision of him as a triumphant hero may have been off the mark, but my sense of his import only scratched the surface. How do we explain the type of success he achieved in leadership amidst the detailed records that he left chronicling his own failures? The author of Hebrews gives us something of an answer. Hebrews 11—a chapter often referred to as the “Hall of Faith”—conveys a long list of beloved figures from Jewish history, lauding them not for their achievements themselves, but for the fact that in each thing that they did, they trusted God. Moses is listed prominently among them, and we are told that he was “looking ahead to the reward” (11:26).

Before parting from the children of Israel, Moses told them of a prophet like himself, who would one day spring forth from among them and speak God’s words (Deut 18:15–18). He was not speaking of his current time, but of a reality much farther in the future. The apostolic writers identify Yeshua as that prophet, but they also make clear that he is far more than only that: the Apostle Peter refers to him as “the author of life” (Acts 3:15), and, similarly, the writer of Hebrews finishes his “Hall of Faith” discourse by calling him “the author and finisher of our faith” (Heb 12:2).

We are all going to be faced at some point with a need to step aside from a work we have shepherded. We may not know who will continue the work—we may not even know whether it will be continued at all—but due to age, geography, illness, or economic need, we will have to step away. And, to put a finer and more concrete point on it, at the inevitable end of our lives, how do we reckon with what we’ve not completed? How do we make peace with the loss of things we will never do, and long sought goals we will never see met? At such a time, it will be easy to feel, in the words of Nabokov, like a footnote to a vast obscure unfinished masterpiece. But what Moses understood, and what we must remember, is that this vast unfinished masterpiece isn’t our workmanship, but God’s. He is the author. We could do far worse than to be footnotes to his work.

Scripture references are from the Tree of Life Version (TLV).