The Other Woman
Parashat Chayei Sarah, Genesis 23:1 - 25:18
Monique B
In this week’s Torah portion, Avraham has returned from nearly killing his beloved child Isaac, only to mourn the death of his beloved wife Sarah. Isaac’s absence on the return journey is conspicuous. “The two of them walked on together” to Moriah in verse 9, but in verse 19 only Avraham returns to his servants.
Where does Isaac go? It’s curious that we don’t see Isaac again until Genesis 24:26, when Avraham’s servant has fetched him a pious and beautiful bride. Here we read: “Isaac had just come back from the vicinity of Be’er Lahai Roi, for he was settled in the region of the Negev.” What is Isaac doing in the Negev, and what is this curious place called Be’er Lahai Roi?
Our sages and commentators don’t agree on this question. Sforno says that Isaac hadn’t really moved away from his father, he merely had a place where he temporarily attended to various business enterprises. Nachmanides agrees, and thinks this was a place where Isaac prayed regularly, not a place of residence. Rashi points at that Be’er Lahai Roi was the place where Hagar was met by an angel of the Lord, in a time of great distress. Let’s revisit the scene in Genesis 16:
Sarai has brought Hagar, an Egyptian concubine, into Avram’s bed. She becomes pregnant, and Sarai suddenly regrets this rash and dysfunctional choice. Sarai blames Avram, and quarrels with him over this inconvenient woman. Avram turns Hagar back over to Sarai, and Sarai afflicts Hagar, causing her to run away into the wilderness. She runs very far south, practically to the border of modern Egypt. An angel of the Lord meets her at a well, and instructs her to return to her abusive mistress, for God will make a great nation from the son in her womb – Ishmael.
In response, Hagar gives God a new title, El Roi, (God Sees). In this scene, Hagar receives the honor of naming God, who has responded to her in a time of great affliction. In the opening chapter of the Books of Samuel, another woman, Hannah, calls God by the innovative title Adonai Tzvaot (Lord of Hosts) while begging for relief from her barrenness. When God opens her womb, she names her son Shmuel (God Hears). In a way, you could say that Hannah labels Hashem as “The God Who Hears” just as Hagar labels Him as “The God Who Sees.”
Here the Scriptures provide a beautiful portrait of who exactly matters to the Master of the Universe – even ridiculed and depressed barren women matter to God, even the abused slaves of Jewish patriarchs and matriarchs matter to God. God hears them and God sees them. He answers them in their times of distress. God cares about the concerns of the most insignificant and overlooked members of our society, whether that society is a Jewish one, or is located among the nations.
The place of Hagar’s meeting with the angel gets a new name, as well. Be’er Lahai Roi, “the Well of the Living God who Sees” is one possible translation. When Hagar leaves the security of Avraham’s tents for a second time – this time because Avraham has sent her away with little more than a crust of bread and a large skin of water – the text suggests that she returns to the same place (or a similar place), but has forgotten that a well is here. Once again, an angel meets her, and this time he opens her eyes to see the well that was already there.
How interesting that this is the place Isaac returns from when he greets his new bride, and this is where he settles after Avraham dies. Is it possible that he has been living there for many years, ever since his father tried to murder him at God’s request? Why is the beloved son of Avraham living near his spurned step-mother Hagar, and his half-brother Ishmael? What does this say about the warmth and intimacy between Isaac and Avraham, or the lack thereof?
It’s significant that we don’t see Isaac until the end of this week’s portion. His father is living in the land God has promised to his many descendants, but he’s forced to endure a humiliating negotiation over a small cave in Hebron where he can bury his wife. Where is Isaac when Avraham opens the mouth of the cave of Machpelah to bury his mother? He doesn’t appear at this site until it’s time to bury his father, and he does this hand in hand with his half-brother, Ishmael.
The text doesn’t explain the family dynamics directly, but I think that Isaac doesn’t really understand Hagar and Ishmael’s estrangement until his own father tries to kill him. It’s likely that as Sarah’s beloved child, he would have heard his parents’ version of events throughout his childhood and early adult years. And naturally, he would have bought into whatever narrative they had spun to explain the absence of his step-mother and half-brother. Perhaps he never expressed the slightest curiosity about Hagar and Ishmael’s version of these events, until he saw another side of his father, the side that was willing to hold a knife above him and take his life.
This illuminates the complex challenge of parenting, even in our post-modern times. We feel the need to shelter our children from the brutal side of human life, so it can be tempting to give them half-answers to their most probing and embarrassing questions. The questions begin with “how did the baby get into Mommy’s belly?” and progress to “why don’t we see Uncle Joey any more?” and “why are you always complaining about money but spending it on useless junk?”
As our children grow, they begin to point out inconsistencies in our stories, and areas of hypocrisy in our character and daily habits. Eventually, they want real answers, not excuses, downcast eyes, shrugs, or silence. If we hope to maintain relational intimacy with our children well into adulthood, we owe them real answers, even if the truth is accompanied with a lick of shame or disappointment.
As we finish this portion, where Avraham is also buried at Machpelah, let’s remember that according to Jewish and Islamic tradition, Isaac and Ishmael are buried in the cave side by side. Just as our ancestors lie in the grave in complete peace, I believe it is the destiny of Jews and Arabs to one day be fully reconciled, as our patriarch Isaac was with his brother Ishmael. Together we will stand at the feet of our triumphant Messiah, welcoming him back home. May that day come soon.